Today finds me sitting at home in Boulder Colorado watching the rain fall and freeze in a surprisingly swift partnership of grace and poise: each drop pausing in time when it touches earth, car, or grass. Yes, I’m back in western world, and as I slip back into some of my old habits, my mind reflects on its journeys over the winter.

I don’t normally send out updates on my life if I’m merely sitting at home in my living room watching the day, but I feel I haven’t yet shared the last page in the chapter of my life I’ve included you all in over the winter. What did I get out of all of this? Why did I come back? How am I different? And where am I going now?

First, look at this beautiful window! (pics attached) My wonderful mom made it for me out of stained glass after I came back from Thailand, and the frame I just finished yesterday. It is made of loving time and energy, in a project where the goal was to express a mother’s love for her son. It’s amazing how words like “I love you” grow old and warn as the years go by, but when hours and hours of energy and time are put into a beautiful creation, somehow spring comes again to those words. It truly feels as though part of you, part of Oregon, part of my childhood are sitting together with me sharing this day, and enjoying each other’s company. Mom, I love you. Thank you for this wonderful gift.

Speaking of Thailand, the last two weeks I spent in the country were amazing. As I mentioned before I was in Tonsai, a climbing Mecca down south. Well, after a couple days I connected with a wonderful group of climbers/humans/friends and spent the rest of my time with them. In a community precariously perched between climber vacationers who come, climb, drink, dance, and leave the world pretty much as they found it, and the local people who work hard to keep their real friends, and yet still be friendly to the former group, my group of friends was quite extraordinary. We very close knit, and yet at the same, never failed to befriend a visitor, for a moment, a day, or a lifetime.

They taught me to lead climb on a monster overhung 7A (5.11A-C) route called Babes in Thailand, which for the non climbers was F#$%ing Hard. For all the climbing, EATING, napping, reading, Jenga, jokes, and heckling; this Tonsai family was an incredible way to spend the last of my time in Asia. Thanks Ollie, Laura, Zach, Santana, Grady, and David, you truly are extraordinary.

As I returned to the US, thoughts of cultures, religions, friends, family, work, love, purpose, life, and everything else that has ever mattered to me bounced around in the roulette wheel of my mind. Which chapter of all my possible futures would my life come to fall in?

Sometimes the best way to see who a person has become, how they have changed, and where they are going, is to spend time with a good friend. Each person you interact with is like seeing a distorted mirror of yourself, and yet, if you find someone who knows you well, than it’s easy to see through the distortions, to the true nature of the viewer. So, Aaron and I went on a road trip we had been planning all winter.

A week with this great guy had the predicted effect of having a really kick ass time, and the surprising result of some clues to some of the ways Asia changed me without my knowing. Take, for instance, my love of travel and new adventures.

For the first time in my life I am completely happy with where I am, who I am, and what I am doing. Every day of my life I’ve felt the desire to explore a new country, or culture, meet a new person, or try a new activity. Here and now I am satisfied, and it’s a wonderful feeling of being strongly rooted to who I am and where I choose to spend my life. It is far from “I don’t want to meet anyone or go anyplace new” which sounds a bit closed minded. No, I’ll still travel and meet new people, but not because I feel desperate to do so, but because it is my chosen direction. Strange I know… especially since I’ve always associated myself most strongly with adventure energy. But so exciting! It gives me such a solid base to launch from, that I feel sure this next chapter will in its own way bring me further and higher than ever before.

Ok, this is getting ridiculously long, and yet I feel it may be my last communication with many of you for awhile, so bare with me if you will! Or come back and read it some other time when you are bored. Or don’t read it and just come by and say hi!

Think now of the temporary nature of life. In a way it makes everything more precious; each moment, each interaction, each thought deserves one’s full attention. This is a hard thing to grapple with in a world permeated by multitasking, distractions, and scattered focus, but well worth it! My time meditating at Doi Suthep was very valuable despite the misery and hardship that went with it.

Most people in the world race and race, turn around and race again in hopes of somehow getting ahead enough to be able to stop and think, and when we are forced to slow down or stop for a second or 40 at a red light we curse such a forced pause. Life is much more enjoyable when it is lived at a slower pace with more time between one event and the next, a moment of reflection, or heck, even a moment to NOT think about anything, and merely feel the world around us.

Since I’ve been back in Boulder I’ve felt the pull from all sides the busy framework of my life I left behind in the fall. It’s hard to gracefully disengage enough to slow life to the place I’d like it to flow at, but I’m giving it my best shot.

I want to be able to give the things in my life the time and energy it takes to really enjoy the process of the activity. What are the things in my life? Well, framework wise, my job is truly important to me. I realized while spending so much time NOT working, that I really enjoy my work, despite bad days, bad weeks, bad months, it is something that is very important to me. The Boulder Emergency Squad as well, has given me a lot of meaning, and I look forward to contributing to BES and the Boulder community with the energy from my life. My house with Kris is technically a pain in the ass, but it is also one of the most wonderful things I experience every day. Sure the fact that a waterline broke two nights ago and flooded my utility closet ruining my hot water heater which will probably be $1k to $2k to get up to snuff was a crappy little while, but hey, that’s the good side of everything being temporary. The bad parts of life pass too!

I spend a huge part of my winter with my wonderful family back in Oregon. I spent more time with my Grandpa than I have since I’ve been tiny. We sat and talked as friends, discussing life’s challenges now, in the past, and in the future. Thank you Grandpa, for the time you spent with me this winter. I feel this life and photo project we have begun has its own framework of goals and rewards, but that it is far more useful as a way for us to hang out and enjoy each other’s company.

I’m in the initial stages of looking into buying both a wellness center in Estes Park (On the River Healing Arts), as well as a house in Portland. Both with good friends, and both which excite me every day!

So what did I leave out… Well, many little new ideas, thoughts, life modalities, but my personal life is what you might ask about. Because of my strong-rooted sense of self, caused by spending most of the winter by myself I feel at a strange and exciting fork in the road. On one side, I’ve had enough time alone to know that is not how I want to spend my life. If I happen to connect with someone wonderful the opportunity for a deep and lasting relationship is far stronger than it has ever been before. And yet, on the other side, if I don’t, the energy I have to give will create a wonderful group of friends around me to last a lifetime.

I appreciate you reading this, and being curious about my life, or maybe just being bored somewhere and choosing to entertain yourself this way rather than some other. I feel happier, more grounded, more hopeful, and excited to enjoy each moment as it comes along than ever before. I look forward to the beginning of the next chapter, and I think back with thanks at what the last one has given me.

Happy Spring!